probably an illusion of better life

"It is perfect to be important, 
but the most important to be perfect" 
(status one of my friends)

This weekend will participate in Model United Nations (will represent Japan). Yesterday was playing in footbal with exchange student (France, Brazil, Indonesia, Thailand...), almost two days ago had a big shopping time (in night and afternoon), spent so much money for buying clouthes and souvenires; on Monday have been in Yonsei University was listening a lecture about financial risk management, VaR (Value-at-Risk) from guy who worked in Lehman-Brothers.
On the last weekend had a nice trip to my mentor's hometown, met with his family, was hiking to beautiful mountain..
I can agree with Adam Smit & Co that people all time want to more and more, better and better. Probably that is nature of human being, and that is the stimul for progress.
I don't know what happened. I got some realistic mood, or something else. Actually, i don't know why i'm going participate in Model United Nations. No, of course, now i can give for myself so many arguments: because that is interesting, because that develop myself, because of open mind, because of new people, new contacts, new friends, because of practice english... Sounds very objectively and motivational, right?
You can not say, that i have boring life. You can think, that my life is busy: conferences, meetings, trainings, projects etc.. But for me that is boring, I can say: "Sergii, for you that is boring all time to be active, all time to participate in something, to achieve something...". Sometimes i dream about watching movie all day, sleeping to 3 or 4 pm, i dream about laziness as you can say.
The problem is that after meditation and determination my values and my goals, i still don't feel, that that is mine.
2.16 am. I'm writing this post with hope to understand why i'm not sure in my goals, are that my goals or just an illusion of my goals. Perharps i think a lot.
Take it easy! Don't think so much! Just go and do it! Very very famous statements.
Do you think that is easy? No way! Actually, i feel that i move from practice to theory, or doing-nothing, not vice versa.
As my friend say: "Sergii, your age is 19 and you can do everything! Everything what you want!". But what i really want?
Anyway, i still believe in the statement "just do it". I must remember: destroy the gap between "know" and "do"; "want to be" and "to be" and firstly: "want to do" and "to do".

Finally, the hiking to mountain i can compare with the way to success: way to peak is hard, but when you achieve that, you get total relax and enjoyment because of beautiful view.


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