When it's overdone

Took this photo at H Queens art gallery in Hong Kong back in 2019

Hello again. Since I started this blog about 15 years ago (at time I came to South Korea as an exchange student), I wanted it to be a place where I record my adventures and reflections as I move along with life's journey. "To make my grandkids jealous" - I thought back then. And to living life with aim and passion. 

At first, I was proud and excited. Starting relatively young, and experiencing life afresh and anew when baseline is nearly zero, I had a lot of fun and thrill. First time hitchhiking trip across Europe, first time parachute jump, first move to another country... The framework of thinking and living was quite straightforward - just do it. And I did. But it's only when I ended up in Shanghai with $200 in my pocket, worrying about prospects of living in shipping container on the outskirts for $60/month, I came to realization that there is another aspect to living, which is financial sustainability. While I was pursuing undergraduate degree, I did not have to worry much about the money, because I was able to secure a government scholarship. But when I made a move to Shanghai, and couchsurfed for good three months (so I don't have to live in a container), it became very clear that as having passions and goals is commendable, it won't last much. No money, no mission, the saying goes. 

In a pursuit of ikigai

In a search of a balance between my passions and what I can get paid for, I ended up working for medical device company in Hong Kong doing international business development (I wasn't particularly good at that). It allowed me to travel and see the world (passion at the time), while making money (necessity). It all was fun until it wasn't. At the start of the pandemic while boarding the Emirates flight from Dubai to Hong Kong I was wishing to myself get Covid, so they can lock me up in Hong Kong Sanatorium Hospital, so that I won't need to travel anymore. How did I land on from having so much passion for travel to literally hating it? It's an example of a classic story of too much vs too little, both ends of the spectrum can hurt you. 

As I got older, I started to value more human connection, aspiring to have long-term relationship and family. Luckily, the pandemic times helped to facilitate that. Due to the lockdowns, I stayed in Hong Kong for about 2 years without moving. During that time I actually managed to start three romantic relationships (consequently), with last one lasting for almost two years. One of the main reasons why it did not work out was due to the extensive travelling and me being away when lockdown ended. I did not do well with long-distance. I felt much lonelier, more stressed when I am not on the ground, and not surrounded by people I love and care for and who love and care for me. It wasn't fun to write about. So I mostly didn't. Plus war news was tough to process. But I did make enough money to make one of my dreams to come true. 

Since moving to the USA two years ago, I've been on the journey of re-discovering that balance of broad passion and financial sustainability (the necessity to pay the bills). While being new to the city, the relationship and community are on top of the list, but at the same time, I observe a resistance to it and rather actually spend more time (over)working. Perhaps because it competes with another passion - setting up my own business and getting long-term immigration status? These sounds more like practical needs, than passions. Am I becoming like most Americans - having passion for money for the sake of money and illusory freedom it can(not) buy? I hope not. 

Another interesting observation is when I do prioritize spending time with people, often I find that most of them are not my people. It's just not the right vibe. In addition to that, I regularly overdo it. Too much, Sergii, too much! Wanna hang out - let's hang out for 10 hours! I will cook and bake for the house. Every weekend. No wonder I feel a bit burned out after that I do not want to do it again. 

Do I stick around and compromize or do I move on and keep looking for my fellow tribesmen and women with right vibes? I didn't make it easier while chasing an unconventional obscure hobby - cold water swim. Most of the people I tried to convince to join me for this fun activity were like: No, go away 😒. Not so many enthusiasts are up for a sizeable risk of getting hypothermia while pushing through the waves of San Francisco Bay every Sat morning at 9 am. But I had some lucks and I'm proud of that.

Swimming in San Francisco Bay with Britt (see Golden Gate far on the background)

At the same time, cold water swim does not have to be the only angle for fun and connecting. I could open up channels of dance, volleyball, run, trivia and other more common activities through which I can connect with other humans via play, just like I did when I was a kid. There are plenty of possibilities to meet with awesome people of the Bay. All is needed is some more intentional planning, showing up and not overdoing it. 

Yet I must admit I do enjoy obscure tough things more. Maybe will get to do my first triathlon later this year. Anyone?