Looking for Siu

True love is rare. When it came to my life, I was not ready to accept it. I ran away from it. Was I too afraid to open up and be vulnerable? And now, after priorities shifted, and I realised value of relationship, is it too late?

At times I wonder, whether I miss Siu's love or I miss Siu as a person. I think it is both. And I miss it because it was true. Siu was real. 

If I would have a chance to meet Siu again, what would I say? I don't feel like saying sorry, even one thousand times, would help. I am sorry. I hurt your feelings and I do not know if that can be forgiven. I care about you and I miss you.

Back then I was not ready. But now, now it is different. Did I change? Yes, I did. I want to have Siu in my life. Or someone like Siu. To give relationship another chance, and to be there for each other.

Did I really love Siu? Do I still? If I did not have a feeling of love back then, why is it so hard to move on, even a year and half later?

It feels pretty much like the ending of La La Land. Maybe it's because in some different reality, different dimension.. we are still together.